Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Last Stall on the Right

Am I the only one that has a favorite stall in a public bathroom? I see ladies rushing to the first stall. I try not to imagine why the rush, we've all had those moments but seriously I'd almost wet myself vs using the first stall. I don't know why. Maybe it's from some random article I read stating that the dirtiest stall in a public bathroom is the first stall. Ewww. I simply must have a stall at the end of the row, preferably the last and yes, there have been times I've used the handicap stall but only when there were no Potty Police in the restroom.

Then comes the dramatic flourish of actually getting seated on the throne. If you have packages or a large bag that is a deep as the ocean stuffed with everything you could possibly need or want (I have a number of such bags) what do you do with them? I recoil in fear and a bit of disgust (yes, I can be dramatic, ask my husband) when I see bags, sometimes designer, shopping bags and *gasp* coats on the stall floor! It's almost too much for me to take! Me, I kick the stall door open, step in then shut the door with my knee using the back of my hand to lock the stall. As for my coat, my bag and any packages they must be hung on the hook, IF one's provided. I miss toilet tanks. If you were very careful you could place small items there but only after making sure there sufficient space. We do not want any belongings falling into toilet, especially a public one! If there is no hook I have to come to a quick conclusion on the best steps to balance what I'm carrying while squatting above the toilet. Yes, squatting! NEVER, EVER sit on a public toilet seat! Don't you know you can get nasty diseases from dirty toilet seats! That and the thought of someone else's hiney skin on the seat coming in contact with mine is just too much! Toilet bibs aka seat covers are a great invention! Gone is the day of lining a toilet seat in layers of toilet paper! Yes, I use toilet bibs even though I'm a hover-er. Every precaution must be taken.

After I've finished whatever I've entered the stall to do, it's private so I won't go into details, then comes the time to try to extricate myself from a stall that suddenly seems much smaller than the one I stepped into! One big pet peeve I have is automatic flushing toilets! You move one inch, often just to adjust your stance, whoosh! I jump away as fast as I can, yes, there are tiny germs and bacteria that I do not want in contact with my personal area, or any area for that matter! I've heard more than one curse word from women in stalls next to me. I usually bite my tongue to hold back the, "Oh, how I understand" comments because in reality you don't really want to confront the idea that the lady next to you is a perfect stranger... worse yet, her Dooney and Burke bag has been set on the floor! Funny how we try to be as quiet as church mice and pretend we are in a private bathroom. We are INVISIBLE, we do not make potty noises, we are... women. Flushing, yes, that must be done with the foot. Automatic flushing toilets can be a challenge, give me a handle that sticks out and I'm happy. Never worry about losing your balance, remember that spacious stall has suddenly become 3 times smaller, lean on a wall or a door. Whatever you choose DO NOT under any circumstances place or drop any personal items on the floor!

Then it's off to wash hands. I cringe when listening to the cackling only women can do standing at a sink and see one trying to slip past without washing their hands (these are usually the ones that put their bags on the floor). I often want to yell out to them if they have any idea how many germs they've come in contact with, what are they thinking! Wash your hands woman! You will more than likely run into some cute baby that you are going to want to touch! Or a doughnut you will secretly eat when you are sure no one is looking! It's these women that I watch to see if they may be carrying hand sanitizer. If I spot them using that instead of a wash of soap and water I'm satisfied. I always wash my hands, being careful not to touch the faucet after using a good dose of soap and hot running water. It's almost always luke warm but it's better than cold! I use paper towels to dry off and shut off the water. I use the same towel to open the restroom door. Most public restrooms have a garbage can near the door where a used towel can be tossed. If there isn't one near the door I've been known to move garbage cans by the door. That's where they should be placed! No can, no prob, I'll make a toss while propping open the door with my foot. Hopefully it makes it, if it doesn't then I'm not going to feel too bad, everyone knows there should be a can by the door. Now you know why I hate bathrooms that only have hand blowers.

My husband has commented on occassion what takes me so long when I'm "just going to pee really quick". Good Heaven's Man! That was quick! and I only go in public if I have too!

I've passed down my public potty wisdom to my children. I was never so potty proud when I saw my oldest granddaughter bracing herself against a stall wall so she could reach up and flush with her foot! She looked at me and said, "See Nan, I can reach the handle and i didn't sit on the seat! I beamed with pride while I escorted my granddaughter off to wash her hands.

1 comment:

  1. ROFL! You are so funny I love it. I always use the handicap, and I cant put my stuff on the floor. Washing hands, well with my allergies I cant use the soap, so its hot water and a butt wipe! and sometimes if lots of ladies are washing and stinking it up I leave with out that, dont want a migrain cause I peed